The Saga of the Side Chick

The Saga of the Side Chick

By: Lindsey Cotton

Instagram: @lindsey_monique_


You met him in a casual setting, simple conversation and an innocent exchange of phone numbers. Text messages and late night conversations about work, kids, goals in life etc. made you feel like maybe this was a match. As the days ticked by you brought up catching a movie and dinner later on during the week. The long silence and hesitation in his voice told you all you needed to know.

He clears his throat and drops a truth bomb on you no one is ready to hear….”I have a girlfriend, but its just not going the way that I want. It was good in the beginning but she doesn't seem to care anymore and the simple things I ask she doesn't follow through. So I think it may be time for me to make a change.”

Anger, frustration and the feelings of not again why can’t I find someone who is just for me fill your mind and heart. He asks you can you be patient with him as he figures out his situation as he has developed feelings for you that he cant shake. And before you know it you are going along with the situation. Overnight you have become a side chick. How did this happen? You sang at the top of your lungs when Beyonce said, “Death to Side Chicks” on Lemonade and now you are flying the side chick banner.

How did you get in this situation and how do you turn it around???

I heard someone once say the heart wants what the heart wants and I do believe that to be the case sometimes. But in the same breathe does that make it okay to play from the sidelines while a person makes a decision on whom they choose to be with?

Although every situation is different typically the side chick never wins. She usually ends up on the losing end of the deal and with a heart broken into pieces once she realizes the situation will not be changing.

So how do you protect your heart?

With the involvement of feelings comes the messiness of the situation. By making it clear you will not give full access to someone who only gives part of themselves you are setting the tone for how things may end up. To sit on the sidelines and be content with only a portion of someone you may very well be blocking your blessings. A man that truly wants you will make every effort to make you his one and only priority. Unfortunately someone will be hurt but for a person to have a significant other and a relationship on the side only benefits the person reaping the spoils of having two suitors.

Break the ties. Yes it may hurt and tears will be shed but as the strong woman that you are wouldn't you much rather be the cause of those tears now rather than months or years later when you are still just a piece on the side. Make it clear that your feelings have not changed but as a strong woman that knows her worth you cannot continue the relationship on its current course. A decision has to be made and ties have to be cut until a clear shift has been made. No more phone calls and texts, no more late night booty calls, no more wifey benefits and you are not wifey. Love yourself more than any person you may think is the one. If the relationship is meant to be then it will come back to you and in the right way. Cheating, lies, and secrets are not the way to build a lasting relationship.

Cut the tie, make it clear what you want, and then move on. Anything worth having that person will fight for and if you are clearly what he or she wants they will come for you and this time in the correct way.


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